Stolen from some ...

Stolen from some random journal...f a c t s01. name: Veronica02. single or taken: Taken 03. sex: Girl04. birthday: April 11, 1984 06. siblings: One older brother and two older sisters07. hair color: Dark brown08. eye color: Dark brown09. shoe size: 9 - yuck, big feet!10. height: 5'4 & 3/4"- when I don't slouchr e l a t i o n s h i p s1. who are your best friends?: Jeffrey and Cindy (forever)! I miss Sonia and Kaelsie (back in the day)2. do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: Yes, Jefff a s h i o n | s t u f f1. where is your favorite place to shop: Ebay! Urban Outfitters, Target, Delia's and I'm starting to really like the Gap - so is Jeff...*sigh* I'm definitely in my twenties.2. any tattoos or piercings: No way. Tattoos are gross, but I did get one extra hole in my right ear in 9th grade. I'm pretty sure it closed up.s p e c i f i c s1. do you do drugs?: No2. what kind of shampoo do you use?: Fructis, but I switched to Thermasilk recently.3. what are you most scared of?: Being lonely and being made fun of5. who is the last person that called you?: Jeffrey6. where do you want to get married?: It used to be outside in Arkansas, but no way. I want to get married in a beautiful Chapel, either in Savannah, GA or Miami (maybe)7. how many buddies are online right now?: I have no idea. Probably two.8. what would you change about yourself?: My stupid fears and worries.f a v o r i t e s1. colors: Red and black. But recently, dark rose and turquoise.2. foods: Pollo a la brasa (Peruvian), yuca frita3. boys names: none 4. girls names: I have only one, but I don't want to tell anyone.5. subjects in school: Film, Art, Film Art, Literature 6. animals: Sloths!!! 7. sports to watch: Hockeyh a v e | y o u | e v e r1. given anyone a bath?: Hehe, yeah2. smoked?: Cigarettes? Yes3. bungee jumped?: No way4. made yourself throw up?: Gosh...maybe...I can't remember if I suceeded or not 5. skinny dipped?: I don't think so.6: ever been in love?: Yes7. made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: Haha! Yes8. pictured your crush naked?: Yes9. actually seen your crush naked?: Yes 10. cried when someone died?: Yes11. lied: Yes12. fallen for your best friend?: No, that'd be gay13. been rejected? Yes14. rejected someone?: Yes15. used someone?: No16. done something you regret?: Not really, but sometimes I feel like I doc u r r e n tclothes: What I'm wearing right now? PJ's- Black Crescent Fresh shirt and shorts with a felt duck on themmusic: The Faint (blank wave arcade), Scissor Mommy (must order CD), Blue Ribbon (must find cd), Jeff Buckleymake-up: Noneannoyance: People that look like animals. People that act like animals.smell: Jeff's cologne and even more his sweat.favorite band: A.R.E. Weapons and Fischerspooner desktop picture: On this one I'm using, a picture of the three nephews book you're reading: Dammit, I was reading Sense and Sensibilty- LAME, but I do want to finish it. I have to read The Thief of Always because it's Jeff's favorite book and Jeff read The Giver which is my favorite book. in cd player: In car- Squarepusher, but I listen to The Faint while going to school. Depeche Mode in the stereo in my rooml a s t | p e r s o nyou touched: My momhugged: My mom...or dad...I can't rememberyou imed: Cindy, last night you yelled at: My dada r e | y o uunderstanding: Yesopen-minded: Yesarrogant: Noinsecure: Yesinteresting: I think sorandom: What?hungry: Not reallysmart: For certain thingsmoody: Yeshard working: Not lately organized: Not latelyhealthy: I hope soshy: Sometimes, depends on the circumstancesbored easily: Not reallymessy: A littleresponsible: I was, I don't know what happened to me this year obsessed: Yes angry: Sometimesw h o | d o | y o u | w a n n akill: Every celebrity in the media (actos, musician, etc.)slap: The people who are obsessed with these celebritiesget really wasted with: Jeffrey, but he gets sleepy too fast. So I guess my friendsget high with: No onelook like: Winnie Cooper since kindergarden up until now! And she doesn't even look the way she did when she was younger! Oh shit, I'm slow, I just re-read the question. I thought it was aking me who do people always say I look like. Oh hell, I don't care to look like anyone.talk to offline: Meh?talk to online: I hate talking onliner a n d o min the morning i am: Sleepylove is: The most wonderful thing everi dream about: Random things happening in my lifeo p p o s i t e | s e xwhat do you notice first: Personalitylast person you slow danced with: Whoa...no one. Slow danced?makes you laugh the most: Jeffrey makes you smile: Jeffreywho do you have a crush on: Jeff who has a crush on you: Jeffd o | y o u | e v e rsit on the internet all night waiting for that someone special to im you?: It used to be Jeff but we gave the internet the finger! Fuck the internet.wish you were a member of the opposite sex?: Yes wish you were younger: Sometimescried because someone said something to you?: YesN u m b e rof times i have had my heart broken: Onceof hearts i have broken: Probably one, of the ones that meant anythingof continents i have lived in: Oneof tight friends: Twoof cds i own: Lotsof scars on my body: Quite a few I guess, but none too noticeable Hi, to the two or three people who read my journal. Please take this survey thingy, copy and paste it under 'comments' and fill it out with your own responses. I'm really bored, and for those in Miami, I'm sure you are bored too. Let's keep each other busy while we wait for Frances.

DisorderRatingPar...

DisorderRatingParanoid:ModerateSchizoid:ModerateSchizotypal:ModerateAntisocial:LowBorderline:LowHistrionic:ModerateNarcissistic:LowAvoidant:HighDependent:HighObsessive-Compulsive:Moderate-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --Whoa...I would've thought my Antisocial rating would be high, but what I considered anti-social behavior is not that at all (see here). Actually, what I have is an Avoidant* personality! Yeah, that's me. Absolutely! And dependent**, yeah I can see that...ever since I moved in with Jeffrey.This is silly. I rarely take these quizzy things. I can't sleep! Jeff's coming tonight...EEP! He said he couldn't sleep either so he got into his car and left Savannah. Yay! YAY!!! I'm nervous.*AvoidantAvoidant personality disorder is characterized by extreme social anxiety. People with this disorder often feel inadequate, avoid social situations, and seek out jobs with little contact with others. They are fearful of being rejected and worry about embarassing themselves in front of others. They exaggerate the potential difficulties of new situations to rationalize avoiding them. Often, they will create fantasy worlds to substitute for the real one. Unlike schizoid personality disorder, avoidant people yearn for social relations yet feel they are unable to obtain them. They are frequently depressed and have low self-confidence.**DependentDependent personality disorder is characterized by a need to be taken care of. People with this disorder tend to cling to people and fear losing them. They may become suicidal when a break-up is imminent. They tend to let others make important decisions for them and often jump from relationship to relationship. They often remain in abusive relationships. They are overly sensitive to disapproval. They often feel helpless and depressed.

I alway...

I always freeze up when I go into Blockbuster, any Blockbuster. There are so many movies to pick from, I'm always afraid of picking the wrong one. It's weird, I know.While I was waiting for the clerk to load up my account history on his computer he shouted "SMILE!" It scared me! I told him I was tired, but really my mind was just somewhere else, I guess. As I was leaving Blockbuster I could hear Aphex Twin playing loudly in someone's car. I stared at the car for the longest time, but could not see anyone through the tinted windows. What was I waiting for? I guess I was expecting that person to roll down their window so I could give them the Aphex Twin nod of approval. No, not really. But it did reassure my feelings about living in Miami.I miss Jeff more than anything right now. All I want is him. I need him. I'm not the same without him. When I'm with him I'm happier and more social and most importantly, I never have to go to Blockbuster.

New background?

This pa...

This past week I've been cleaning my room and throwing things out. Today as I arranged all my shoes I realized I have over 25 pairs of shoes. I thought I had about 5 or something, but that's because those are the only pairs I ever wear! Needless to say, half of them I'm going to have to sell. I can't wait until Jeff returns, I really need his camera. Yay for meaningless posts!By the way- I made my last post private because I thought it was too personal. So whoever got a chance to read it you can comment on it if you like. I will put it back up again soon, most likely towards the end of August or whenever things clear up... He's hot! *lickies* :9Oh, and here are some pictures he edited-

UPDATE: FUCK YOU FRIENDS ONLY POSTS!!!

Okay...me and Jeff have been having some problems this past year. He has changed A LOT this year. He has matured and I see now that he cares about me a hell of a lot more than he used to. Before we moved in together everything was okay and we loved each other and missed each other always, but I always knew I was in love with him more than he was with me. I mean, he loved me but I'm not too sure if he was in love with me or not. Last summer things happened and I became very insecure. Now one year later, I'm so happy everything that happened this year happened because it made me grow up a little more and open my eyes. I'm not a shy piece of crap anymore. I realize I have a voice. I don't care about what others think of me. I hate sweaters now, well sometimes I still wear my black cardigan. Anyway, my point is I've opened up a lot this past year and I have Jeff to thank for that. He made me open my eyes and become more aware of everything around me. However, I confess that I still have some insecurities concerning our relationship. I trust him, but stupid bad memories keep getting in the way of our happiness. Sometimes we'll be happy for days and then I mess it up because I say something hurtful to him. He's endured this for the past year and recently I see that it's not fair that I keep torturing him like this anymore. But I can't stop it. I don't know why. I guess I still get scared sometimes that I might lose him and my heart will get broken all over again- and that's the worst pain ever. So I ask him questions until he gets violent, but I don't do it because I want to start a fight with him, I do it because I want to make sure that things are okay with him and us.So this week I kept mentioning breaking up with him almost everyday until on Friday afternoon I said it with such sincerity (as he put it) that we really did...for a few hours. So then we decided we just needed some time apart but we wouldn't break up. Every time I would talk about breaking up in the past he would always ask if we would still be friends and I would say no. Because I don't want to hear who he's going out with or whatever. But on Friday after I broke up with him I realized I did want to stay friends with him, but that wouldn't work because we'd probably just get back together again anyway, I feel it, and he knows it which is why he always asked to stay friends. So we're still together, we're still in love, but I agree that living apart from each other for a while will do ME good. I want to feel that trust I haven't felt in a year, because I have no idea where it went and hopefully with him gone it will come back. God, I hope so, more than anything!So this is our plan for the next 5 months:Jeff- Savannah College of Art and Design, Majoring in Sound Design, FreshmanVeronica- Because I'm a cheap bastard when it comes to giving $-hungry schools my $, I will attend FIU or FAU as a non-degree seeking student and take at least 12 hours of art classes that I need as pre-requisites at SCAD, saving my dad thousands of dollars. In December I will move to Savannah where I'll be --->Veronica- Savannah College of Art and Design, Majoring in Film, Junior. I've already registered at FIU, but to avoid bumping into old acquaintances I wouldn't mind driving 40 minutes to Boca Raton. Right now Jeff is in Savannah looking for a studio apartment and then he's off to Hardy, AR to see his mom. We will meet up again the end of August because he will be helping me film a few shorts to beef up my portfolio.I hope everything works out between us. The other day he told me he has never loved anyone as much as he loves me while crying. And I admitted to him that I have never done so much for one person as I have for him. He keeps me alive and I want him in my life forever.

Where ...

Where can I find Japanese magazines here in Miami? Specifically Japanese fashion magazines? I haven't even looked around. I'm guessing the independent bookshops on South Beach might have. I used to go to Worldwide News on NE 163rd to buy weird foreign mags, they might sell. Anyone know? And I know I've been neglecting two certain individuals who are very dear to me. But I can't go anywhere until I finish this thingie I have to do. Which will be soon, I promise. And when I do finish we will all go to Off 5th to shop. Then we can all drive around and go into every Asian shop in the area from Homestead to West Palm, where hopefully we will find at least one CUTIE, JUNIE, JILLE, or NON-no magazine, DAMMIT!Speaking of cutie, I miss this one. My sisters' boys nephews are adorable. Is that right, sisters' boys?

Today I got bored ...

Today I got bored and called a Shemale I saw in the ads, but I only got his/her answering machine.

I went to the Squ...

I went to the Squarepusher show in Atlanta on Saturday. It was amazing, the best concert ever. It was also a really nice break from dick school and dick life. So much has happened this past month. I really don't know where to begin, but I'll write a tell-all sometime later tonight or this week. I feel really lazy right now.For now, I want everyone to enjoy 15 seconds of Tom playing the bass. I didn't speed the movie up, he's actually this fucking fast on bass. BTW- you need to d/l Quicktime movie if you don't have it...I think. I don't know. Or you might be able to see it with a Windows Media player too. Just click the "Squarepusher" link below, if nothing happens d/l Quicktime.Download Quicktime, it'll be quickSQUAREPUSHERAnyway, like I said, the concert was hot. We left to Atlanta Saturday afternoon around 12:30pm and got there at about 5:30pm. We went straight to Lenox Square Mall because I had nothing to wear to the show expect a "white trash, whore" top as Jeff first called it until he saw me in it later that night! Anyway, I bought a bunch of camisoles for the summer and a skirt to wear with my whore halter top. Then we ate at Panera and left for the show. The show started at 10pm, which was about the time we finally left the mall. While driving to the club, I was changing in the back seat with a blanket over me. After I was done changing we stopped at a red light and there was a guy next to us on our right, late 20's, early 30's, with short brown hair and he was driving a cuties small convertible...well, Jeff was looking at some poster at a bus stop to his right when this guy just STARES the hell out of my Jeffrey. It was so fucking funny!! I kept telling Jeff that guy was checking him out and Jeff replied in an ambivalent/ sort of mad tone (because he knew I would tease him about this forever), "Yes, I know." I, of course, teased him about this the whole night. But it's pretty cool knowing that guys think my Jeff is hot. We got to the show at 10:30pm and some guy was deejaying, I didn't like it very much. And since no one was really paying attention we advanced to the center of the dancefloor. A little later these two Brits, known as Cassetteboy came on the stage and did their little act. They don't really play music, they just edit speeches and songs and make them funny/explicit. Check it outCassetteboyThen some DJ Johnny or someone came out (there was a rumor going around that this was Aphex Twin, yeah right), but his set got long and boring, but by this time we were standing one person behind the front center of the stage. And there was a little space perfect for the two of us ahead of this guy who was standing far back because some guy was smoking in front of him so we just pushed him out of the way. Then Squarepusher came out wearing a nice light brown button up shirt that matched the color of his hair. He greeted everyone, thanked them, and started playing. The first half of his set was him playing his bass. He was so fucking good, his shirt was completely soaked with sweat by the end of the first song! Anwyay, afterwards he played a bunch of tracks from his latest album then one from his EP that came out a few months ago and one song from Do you know Squarepusher? Then he left and came back and played, of course, "Come on my selector" and the song after that (which I always forget the name of) on that same album. It was a great show, me and Jeff danced a lot and I wasn't even drunk!Tom, the most psychotic picture of him I tookThe show ended at 3am, but we stayed inside the club until they kicked us out because we wanted to get Tom's autograph. So we waited outside sort of far from his tour bus just because I didn't feel like talking to the other kids there waiting for him and he came out from the back of the club, just where we were standing! So since no one was around I politely asked him if he could sign our cd. He said "Yes, I'll sign it..." and then maybe something else I don't know but he kept on walking to his tour bus, unnoticed. We were so anxious we waited out right in front of the door of his tour bus. We waited a few minutes and then he opened the door and saw us right there and a few other people behind us and exclaimed, "For fuck's sake, I'm not a rock star!" I felt so embarrassed and scared! After he signed Jeff's cd, Jeff thanked him and we left immediately. That's when I realized, no shit, that's why he had changed clothes and put on a beanie so that no on would notice him walking towards us. Oh well. At least we met his psychotic Welsh ass.Us waiting for Tom outside. Some hobo walking by shouted, "Aw, now isn't that a Kodak moment." So, Jeff literally made it one.Jeff drove for an hour until he couldn't anymore and we stayed at some hotel until the next morning. But before we got to Tallahassee we stopped at Thomasville, Ga and wasted time parked next to the "Big Oak." After I humped it, we deemed it lame and went home shortly after. My blurry humpface. You don't want to see the rest, believe me.It was a good weekend.

Jeffrey ha...

Jeffrey had a beautiful dream today. He dreamt that a middle-aged woman tried to sell us 5 baby carriages, but Jeff kept telling her he didn't want any of them. While they quarreled I played with the young 3 year old girl with light brown hair who came with the woman. Jeff kept telling me to stop playing with her because she wasn't ours, but I paid no attention to him. Finally, he gave in and made a deal with the lady. He told her he would take four carriages only if she kept the first one....I'll be twenty in 2 days

Yeste...

Yesterday I had fun. Brenda picked me and Jeff up and we all went to a free film screening of Coochie. Coochie, oh Coochie. Coochie turned out to be this FSU Film student's thesis film. It was so fucking crappy.The story was about some girl's first lesbian experience. Well, all they did was kiss but I guess it counts because she was all confused and whatever. But anyway, the whole movie reminded me of some stupid VH1 or BET "soul" movie with "soul" sistas or whatever. That's the kind of movie it was. I hate those kinds of movies.But it gets worse. Since we came late to the screening because we couldn't find the stupid room (the number wasn't on the flyer) a film editing teacher led us into this editing room to watch the film alone. Before he played the movie he told us that it's 15 minutes long and cost $30,000 to make. At first I thought, Wow, that's a lot of money for a short student film. And after the shitty movie finished I thought, What the FUCK?!!?!When the movie was over we were asked to fill out a questionnaire. Our comments were to help the director make changes to the movie. You know, like a test audience. Mainly me and Jeff, because we're both bitter, were on the nice editing teacher's neck about how fucking shitty this movie was! And sometimes he seemed to agree with our complaints, er, comments. Anyway, thank you Brenda! I no longer feel bad about not being accepted to the film school. I realized yesterday that I wasn't accepted because I'm a weirdo...well yes, that's why! FSU looks for young people that want to make shitty Hollywood films. They want little puppets. My ideas were probably too far out for them, too original. And it's too bad they felt that way. Fuck them! You know, they don't even ask to see your films or artwork like other film schools. All you have to do is write a really good essay explaining your goals and work you've done with film (like short movies, internships) and they call in 30 candidates out of 200+ applicants for an interview and from there they accept 15 for the film school. At least I got as far as getting an interview but I disliked the other kids they put me in a room with. No one knew a single thing about the art of film. Losers. This was a long post. I needed to vent. If anyone is reading this, thank you.

Is your crotch hungry, girl? Cuz it's eating your pants

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I'm in a ridiculously good mood! I'm going home tomorrow for a few hours!

This is how bored we are here, and we ain't even drunk! Actually, this is an old picture so we probably are...I don't remember.Shake your coconuts, coco boys!

Subject: (optional)

viceI really really miss home... in Miami, of course.

The One With Ross's Sandwich

Today I feel like Ross in this Friends episode. I'm not completely sure why... Just a sandwich? Look, I am 30 years old, I'm about to be divorced twice and I just got evicted! That sandwich was the only good thing going on in my life! Someone ate the only good thing going on in my life!

Old post I never posted

por eso me quedo

...porque el alma prende fuego cuando deja de amar

I feel ...

I feel like this

I miss Je...

I miss JeffreyI miss the way he would press my cheeks with his fingers and shout, "Squishy!"I miss his cheeks. I miss the way the stubble would graze my face when we kissed, and make noise when I scratched it.

First entry- again

I started this journal in the Summer of 2001 when I was a senior in high school and from what I saw before I deleted all my old entries, really into NMBC.The reason I deleted everything is because I want to try something different. While the idea isn't that original, I find that writing about your day, my day, anyone's day can get pretty damn boring so this is my new picture journal thing. Enjoy.