UPDATE: FUCK YOU FRIENDS ONLY POSTS!!!

Okay...me and Jeff have been having some problems this past year. He has changed A LOT this year. He has matured and I see now that he cares about me a hell of a lot more than he used to. Before we moved in together everything was okay and we loved each other and missed each other always, but I always knew I was in love with him more than he was with me. I mean, he loved me but I'm not too sure if he was in love with me or not. Last summer things happened and I became very insecure. Now one year later, I'm so happy everything that happened this year happened because it made me grow up a little more and open my eyes. I'm not a shy piece of crap anymore. I realize I have a voice. I don't care about what others think of me. I hate sweaters now, well sometimes I still wear my black cardigan. Anyway, my point is I've opened up a lot this past year and I have Jeff to thank for that. He made me open my eyes and become more aware of everything around me. However, I confess that I still have some insecurities concerning our relationship. I trust him, but stupid bad memories keep getting in the way of our happiness. Sometimes we'll be happy for days and then I mess it up because I say something hurtful to him. He's endured this for the past year and recently I see that it's not fair that I keep torturing him like this anymore. But I can't stop it. I don't know why. I guess I still get scared sometimes that I might lose him and my heart will get broken all over again- and that's the worst pain ever. So I ask him questions until he gets violent, but I don't do it because I want to start a fight with him, I do it because I want to make sure that things are okay with him and us.So this week I kept mentioning breaking up with him almost everyday until on Friday afternoon I said it with such sincerity (as he put it) that we really did...for a few hours. So then we decided we just needed some time apart but we wouldn't break up. Every time I would talk about breaking up in the past he would always ask if we would still be friends and I would say no. Because I don't want to hear who he's going out with or whatever. But on Friday after I broke up with him I realized I did want to stay friends with him, but that wouldn't work because we'd probably just get back together again anyway, I feel it, and he knows it which is why he always asked to stay friends. So we're still together, we're still in love, but I agree that living apart from each other for a while will do ME good. I want to feel that trust I haven't felt in a year, because I have no idea where it went and hopefully with him gone it will come back. God, I hope so, more than anything!So this is our plan for the next 5 months:Jeff- Savannah College of Art and Design, Majoring in Sound Design, FreshmanVeronica- Because I'm a cheap bastard when it comes to giving $-hungry schools my $, I will attend FIU or FAU as a non-degree seeking student and take at least 12 hours of art classes that I need as pre-requisites at SCAD, saving my dad thousands of dollars. In December I will move to Savannah where I'll be --->Veronica- Savannah College of Art and Design, Majoring in Film, Junior. I've already registered at FIU, but to avoid bumping into old acquaintances I wouldn't mind driving 40 minutes to Boca Raton. Right now Jeff is in Savannah looking for a studio apartment and then he's off to Hardy, AR to see his mom. We will meet up again the end of August because he will be helping me film a few shorts to beef up my portfolio.I hope everything works out between us. The other day he told me he has never loved anyone as much as he loves me while crying. And I admitted to him that I have never done so much for one person as I have for him. He keeps me alive and I want him in my life forever.